Perhaps it was yesterday's snow hiding the sun that powers me, or maybe I had a case of the Mondays; whatever caused the mood in which I found myself by 2 p.m. was no good thing.
Every once in a great while when not peeing glitter, I find myself in an introspective mood, which generally results in secluding myself to the floor of the living room, surrounded with paints and a playlist labeled "Thinking Songs" blaring, leaving only to go to yoga class(es). Art has been the outlet lately, when I was younger I used to write in the same manner.
The thing about painting is that it never gets me out of my mood; rather, it enables the mood and allows introspective thoughts to get significantly more intense - almost trance-like. When someone eventually walks into my house I snap out of what feels like a crazy dream.
I had a few good, pure hours sans interruption to wander and several times met with anxiety over my world trip. I am being selfish in doing this trip, the only reason I am helping at the orphanages is to make myself feel better about this ridiculously amazing vacation, what is going to happen when I get back home and I have to re-start my life in the midst of everyone else whose life never stopped, I'm going to be a different person, can I handle myself on a world-scale, how am I going to make this work financially, I can't even be away from my family for the holidays - how will I manage for an entire year, there is no way I am going to find the right place to study yoga in India - have you SEEN the size of that country??!?!?! On the flip side ... what if I don't want to come home.
I have a feeling that i will look back on the questions in two years and laugh at myself. Luckily that is a skill I have already mastered.
The clock stopped the train this time; 6:15 yoga class proved itself a humble adversary to my distraught world. The class after that one was even more cleansing and I returned to the living room several hours later to art supplies everywhere with little desire and no clue as to where I was just a few hours earlier.
I put away the paint and glitter and went to bed content.
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