Meditative motion

I was reminded by a friend that some of you whom I do not see day in and day out may want an actual life update and not just religious musings. Hence, this extravagantly snowy day seems ample to type an update of sorts.

Still working for my father's asphalt company has finally reaped rewards as the snow falls. Seasonal work on a salary doesn't get much better in Colorado, where climbing, running, etc. can still be done in the winter. However, office work in general has me antsy ... which was more than to be expected when taking this position. Luckily two dear friends of mine, Chase and Johnny, and I are planning to travel the world come next August when our leases expire. We've been saving for 3 or 4 months and have 9 more to go. We are planning on buying tickets in a month or so. I have NOT spilled the beans to the parental units yet, (although the can of beans will be spilled this week) but I'm hoping dad lets me keep my job until I leave, under the threat of me moving back into the basement unemployed, indefinitely.

Our hopes are to take a year for the trip (or until funds expire), however the list of visits has not been finalized by any means at this point. All three of us are climbers so undoubtedly there will be some scaling of rocks. If anyone has contacts anywhere remotely interesting, please send them to me because we would love to save money anywhere we go by crashing on floors and helping out any way we can in return.

I plan on taking a yoga teacher training course in February and toting my yoga mat with me around the world, learning and teaching yoga wherever possible. The inspiration for this element of the trip came from the complete and euphoric end that comes from yoga, tied with the realization that Corepower yoga in Boulder is certainly not close to the deepest spirituality one can experience in the practice. Additionally, I'm hoping that this is a way to meet people of similar interests in different cultures. Perhaps it will be a common ground on which to compare beliefs and practices all over the world, not to mention that in my experience, I generally learn more when teaching.

Prior to leaving I am also hoping to get involved with Kimmy's House, an orphanage in Hyderabad, India that my dad visited last year. The founders of the orphanage are friends of my parents and started the orphanage after visiting India and seeing a need for housing and care of disabled children. They are also starting a similar orphanage in Haiti, and I would love to help out in both place if at all possible. It is so easy for trips of this manner to be self-centered and all about my personal experience, but I am going to make an effort to give of myself as much as possible.

Realizing that I have huge hopes and quite a lot of plans for this trip, I am also going into the whole thing knowing I will have to be extremely flexible and patient and let things happen. Being 23 years old and not tied down, this is an opportune time for travel of this sort. I welcome any advice, encouragement, thoughts and prayers.

Other than this trip which has become the inspiration to go to work every day, the only other updates are: I'm not climbing as much as I used to, which is sad in more ways than one. I am working one night a week at the Spot (climbing gym), reading a ton, painting, running and doing yoga with Domonique about six days a week. Johnny is living in my basement with me (I have the bedroom and he has made what used to be my "study" into his room, which has worked out well) so all four of us in the house are only paying $300 a month for rent, which in Boulder, is ridiculously cheap. I'm happy, but ready to explore. Boulder is getting small and as much as I love it, I have begun to realize how much of a bubble it really is.

I think that should sum it all up. I would love to get updates from those of you I haven't spoken with in a while.

BSF Week 2: Greater, less and the lesson in selflessness

Week two of Bible study passed much more smoothly than week one, perhaps due to preparedness. One of the greater challenges has been to maintain an open mind in hopes of applying some of the great life-lessons present in the Bible and put aside disgust for organized religion.
Although not completely convinced of the spirituality of Jesus and God, Jesus' teachings, and the events surrounding his time here, are timeless and have thus far proved introspective. John the Baptist has become a favorite character of mine, as has "doubting Thomas." John the Baptist because of his unquestioning loyalty, devotion and selflessness, and Thomas because of his questions and need for concrete, physical evidence.
John knows his entire life that he is serving one purpose: to make a path for Jesus' arrival. His comment, "He must become greater, I must become less" (John 3:30) speaks of his devotion to Jesus, but also inspires placing others before ourselves. If this Christian belief were more wide-spread, perhaps there would be less need for government intervention because the world would be filled with Mother Theresas.
On a personal scale, Dad brought my own selfishness to my attention and (unintentionally) made me realize that my perspective of "selfishness" was mainly in relation to tangible objects (the child's version of selfish ... not sharing toys). I always wonder how my family is always calling me selfish when I have minimal possessions, never ask for anything, etc. However, family demands time. Perhaps it is flattering that there exists a group of people happy simply with presence. Friends are the same way, and we Boulderites are potentially the worst group of people when it comes to spending time with friends. I've heard people admit (and others who just do this unintentionally) that they make multiple commitments to friends for the same time-slot and pick whatever is most interesting or sounds like the most fun at the time. I can't think of a more selfish mindset. What's worse, I'm guilty.
So, although that was quite a tangent, John the Baptist has led to reassessing priorities with friends and family in an effort to put others first, and at least be honest and realistic with time management.
More on Thomas later ...

Oh Lord Jesus, Jesus God, Savior Jesus, father God ...

"Disappointment is missed expectations": one of my father's favorite quotes that best explains an uncomfortable experience of late.
My parents, being very rooted in the Baptist religion, have for some time been concerned for my soul. Being raised in the Baptist church, their feelings are understandable and appreciated on my end. I have learned over the past four or five years that it is far easier to accept their concern, attend church on occasion with the family, keep my mouth shut about my doubts and ask "good" questions once in a while to maintain a healthy relationship with the 'rents.
In exchange, there are few judgmental, harsh arguments and the emotional conversations are kept to a minimum. If this happens on purpose, I'm not sure. But I like to think that we had reached an equilibrium.
Notice the use of the word "had."

Scene: I am now working for my father. He owns a business where every employee in the office is openly Christian. Being the wonderful human being that he is (honestly, the person I admire most), he allows the ladies in the office to attend Bible Study Fellowship during work hours.
*Definition: Bible Study Fellowship- A 50 year old organization started by a reputable missionary woman. The study takes one book of the Bible over 6 months and studies it in depth. There are groups all over the world: men's, women's, youth, young adult, etc. that all study the exact same thing. The group meets once a week in small groups to discuss a series of study questions, some directly relating to the Bible passage and some concerning life application. This is followed by a lecture.
My parents have both been doing BSF since I was a small child. In fact, my sisters and I went to BSF with my mom instead of attending preschool. My dad is a group leader and my mother is a children's leader. One lady told me, "you come from a BSF Nazi family!" like it was a good thing...
But of course I digress...
After several tearful discussions with my father about his supreme disappointment that when we both die he won't have one of his best friends (me) with him for eternity, he started bringing up me attending BSF. Not being one for organized religion at all, I told him no. He then went on to explain that BSF is non-denominational and that he has even had men of varying religions (Hindu, Muslim) that simply wanted to study the Bible. He promised that there is no praying except over group meals occasionally, I will never be asked to pray and people aren't allowed to discuss what religion they are or from which church they come.
Being out of school and not having directed learning has been getting to me lately, and I admit I had a weak moment when he brought up the word "study." I told him I would think about it.
We walk into the office and what does Daddy-o say to the very Christian ladies? "Guess what? Jess is going to do BSF with you guys on Wednesday!" Response: "YEY!!! Oh we are so happy!! We've all been praying for you!"
Me: "Dad. Your office. NOW."

Needless to say, I was douped into going to BSF. Dad and I came to an agreement that he would pay for half of my yoga teacher training in February if I go to BSF. So, I've been doubed and bribed. Regardless, I'm going.

I spent all of last weekend catching up since I started two weeks late. I went into last Wednesday feeling prepared and relaxed.
Until I walked into the Circle o' Feelings.
The Circle is homogeniously comprised of white, Christian, married women ages 26 to 40 who either have multiple children or are on the way to having multiple.
The answers that I labouriously prepared all weekend, quoting text from other books of the Bible even, were brushed off with polite smiles while answers relating to how Jesus changing water into wine made one mother feel she needed to change how she dealt with her oldest son who had organizational problems were greeted with applause. This went on the entire time. I did learn a few things from one person who actually worked with the text instead of her feelings. That was nice. One person out of 11. It's a start.
After we went over prayer requests and discussed the upcoming fellowship "where we can get to know each other by sharing how God has changed our lives," I made it back to the office in a dazed mood, got back into my car and started to cry.
I wasn't sad, that's for sure. Probably a little sorry for myself. I was part mad at my father for deceiving me and manipulating me into a situation where I'm completely out of place, awkward, and hardly learning. But most of all I think I was just mad at the women, which I know is not fair. There was one question that I knew upon answering it was a complete and total joke: "How do people show 'false faith' in the present day?" My answer was that the majority of Christians I see go to church on Sunday, decide they are going to heaven and can therefore judge those who, for some reason, they have deemed part of the group not getting in, and lead normal, largly secular lives (other than telling everyone they will pray for them) the rest of the week.
The funny thing is, most of the ladies had similar answers. And they allllll rolled their eyes and openly judged "those people who do that" and then ended with a prayer that started something like, "Oh precious, Lord Jesus God almighty ...." (Why can't you just speak to him normally? Why the show?). It was more than I could take. So, tears.

Anyway, more to come next week I'm sure. Jesus just changed water to wine (we are reading the book of John), so we have a few miracles left and then rising from the dead so it's bound to get better, right?